(dedicated to my mad cats who help me to stay crazy and dancey)
…and here are the proofs:
1. adequate breakfast is at 5-6 a.m. if there are other creatures in the house i prefer to have breakfast with them near, though it’s sunday and they’d wake up at 11.
2. to control me or to teach to behave is as successful as teaching the ocean to stop storming or the earth rotating around its axis.
3. it’s catastrophic to complicate self with others’ problems. obtaining fresh fish and cream is the only matter of importance to me.
4. darkness is a lovely time to walk around alone and scare everyone with eyes blazing green.
5. i speak at least twelve languages with body, and about hundred languages with hair. 99,9% of them are undecipherable for human minds.
6. the best way to win another creature is to curl up, unedge self and purr.
7. climbing trees and walking along roofs are perfect meaningful activities. even if to jump back is sometimes problematical. but there’s always a nervous human waiting below with arms wide open.
8. my ears begin to move and i fall into my own type of meditation hearing the sounds of orchestra or piano. live concerts or live piano playing are a special treat.
9. direct expression of affection is a dog thing. i am vague though rather curious about everything moving, flying (created to please me).
10. i don’t try to make the world better, it should just transform itself in a way to suit my needs.
11. i’m able to pour along any surfaces in silence, and to appear immediately, that’s why it makes many humans wonder if i’m a ghost. in the room i quickly conquer away the most comfortable place on the sofa to sit/sleep/play on.
12. i love tigers and lions too much. don’t roar in my presence, or i’ll drown you with hugs even against you will.
13. the only channel i can tolerate on TV is Animal Planet. it happens that i watch political debates, but only to be assured once more how boring humans are.
14. my drugs are black olives.
15. everything may gallop down to hell but a cup of milk before sleep is a must.
16. i’m a poseur and damn proud of it. humans with cameras are my favorite humans.
17. in rare cases when i’m interested in something, i’ll do my best to look not impressed. when i seem sweet my imagination roams through wild awesome places nobody is aware of (for their own bad).
18. kitchen is quite a wonderful place to daydream about birds and take a three-hour long nap between meals. the warmer the kitchen is, the better.
19. if you feel too sad and apathetic, i’ll do my best to return you to life with scratches and bites. if they don’t help, i’m ready to demonstrate skills at my own kit-teh martial arts.
20. when scolded i’ll be quiet. but my solemn gaze accompanying your furious words will burn you to ashes. remember, the word ‘guilty’ is not for my vocabulary.
21. i hate zoos and narrow my eyes in anger beholding circuses. opera houses, theatres, castles and museums are adorable.
22. i know the libretto for Webber’s Cats almost by heart singing Macavity everywhere with (but mostly without) reason. humans then look at me estranged, especially when i combine it with choreography on rainy streets.
23. Tolkien’s ‘Cat’ is the greatest classical poem to recite, as loud as possible.
24. i never come when called. i pretend not to hear the ones who call. but i keep some calls in memory. time to answer is for me to choose.
25. as you may have already noticed, i aim to invade the world. and of course absolute global monarchy would be the best form of government.